6.15am & I’m stood outside in -7 degree temperatures waiting for my transfer. I’m waiting patiently dressed for my trip to Morocco, not wearing anything remotely ski resort appropriate. 45 minutes later & I have strongly resolved to forward think a little more.
Hindsight. I’ve got plenty of that. It’s the finer details in following things through which I gravely lack. My ‘sure it’ll be grand’ attitude only gets me so far. It doesn’t stop my toes from turning into icicles & snapping off, it doesn’t help the convulsing shiver I have involuntarily developed to survive. Sure, on this occasion, I have saved myself having to carry a winter jacket to sunny Africa – though at some point in life I’m going to have to be more pensive & take better care of myself. Take the jacket bitch!
I’m getting old damnit! I need a bit more comfort in my life. I need to be a bit kinder to this ageing hag. I need my sleep more than ever & I’m convinced I’m developing a lazy eye. What next? My only solace is in my equally aging friends who can relate to the process & are helping me through these traumatic developments!
Now it’s in writing I will endeavour to take a bit better care of myself because I’m getting old.
….To see it in black & white is awakening. On second thoughts I will put it to the back of my mind & continue to live in my carefree manner depending on my resilience to cope with whatever I put myself through. Well done me! You’re a tough cookie!
With 3 hours sleep & miserable as fuck from my cold & hatred of flying I attempt to embrace my day of travel. *sigh*
This will be my 18th flight in 12 months. *sigh*
I am perplexed at how I can afford all these flights & how I managed to actually have the will to live to take them. For me that shows a certain strength of character & my determination to travel & explore. All of these flights have been alone. I think all my flights excluding 6 in the past 13 years have been alone. I’m not sure how to travel with a companion now. It would be strange…..
Packing was as drawn out & relentless as ever. I now know that my issue is that I’m too resourceful & see potential use in all my belongings. If only it was as easy as packing my clothes, cosmetics, entertainment & travel documents. I am packing herbs that I struggle to find, chocolate I know my friends will love, secret santa gifts, forward planning birthday gifts, homely comfort items, rehab kit, etc. I need to streamline this. A lot.
I am also a bit scatty. I take it too far. I love my home comforts but sadly that’s where I have to leave them. I also didn’t check the side compartments of my luggage until my bag was being weighed at check in – a tanning mitt & table ping pong set were waiting patiently from my flight from Italy over 2 months ago. I really need to get my act together!
Yet again I am travelling into the relative unknown. I’m going back to my favourite winter home, a beautiful ski resort in Switzerland. This will be my third Christmas here, the unknown aspect is with regards to my work & the duration of my stay. I am going to be working for a nannying company & hopefully I’ll be able to pick up other work during the busier times. I am staying as long as I have work, or until I get bored or something else comes up. I’m always on the lookout for a new adventure and path.
I presume I will stay for a month at least. By then I should have come up with something new & had a good catch up with my wonderful friends. I need to recharge my soul with the fantastic bunch of people I am privileged to call my friends. Laughing, hugging, drinking & dancing. I can’t wait for it all to begin!
I work in the field of Sports Rehabilitation & massage, normally high end massages in luxury ski resorts or on the other end of the spectrum with sports teams. Looking forward to the upcoming ski season got me thinking about this & what may be some valuable insider information & words of advice for massage therapists everywhere.
Some of the chatter amongst my colleagues circles around when male clients get erections during treatments. I find this massively inappropriate, although hilarious because it is not happening to me of course. It has never happened to me. This situation has happened to my friends many times. Never me. Should I be offended?? I have a 0% erection record & I am determined to maintain this. I started calculating how many massages I have done & dreading that via the law of probability I had one approaching imminently.
I have thus constructed guidelines that I have been living by so I can avoid this situation. These are my tips for when doing massages in a client’s home/chalet. If you work in a spa or with a team you will also be able to adapt & implement some of the tips.
1>Always look sweaty, out of breath & flustered – made believable as you have had to haul your treatment table & kit in the snow for a 20 minute incline whilst more than likely lost & late. This is the client’s first impression of you so it should make a lasting mark. Out of breath panting could be added in a strictly non sexual manner.
2>Exude a simple innocence. A great opportunity to do this is when taking your shoes off. Try to do this when you’re still carrying your treatment table & kit bag. This will look exceptionally awkward & you will inevitably stumble over. This acts to remove any sexual inclination the client may have towards you.
3> Smile. It’s always great to smile. There is no need to be rude to the client. This also discards the mysterious air that men find attractive in moody cows.
4> Be a bit of a mess. This will lower the client’s expectations of you from your initial poor impression digging further the hole of unattractiveness that you want to be consumed by. It’s always helpful to set up your treatment table in a tiny box room, making it physically more difficult will aid in making you look like a hot mess. An unattractive hot mess. While you’re at it why not move the furniture, try to locate plugs & mess around with plug adaptors for your electric blanket.
5> Require pity. When calling the client to commence the massage be sure to look apologetic for your entrance & how long it took you to set up – despite it being a humanely commendable duration to do everything. By mentioning that it took you a long time the client will consider it to have been long & think even less of you. He may doubt your capabilities as a massage therapist, which is a risk. You should easily be able to redeem yourself via your treatment. This lingering sense of disappointment will abolish any sexual tendencies the client may have towards you.
6> The treatment. Carry out an excellent treatment as always. Never compromise on quality, your skills & professional reputation.
7> Chin alignment. At all times keep your head tilted downwards creating a multi chin effect. From the angle your client is at this will be wildly exaggerated & no man or beast would contemplate a sexual encounter with the likes of you.
8> Facial expression. This is your gift to freestyle with. Think unsexy & repulsive. Be as natural as you can with this. It is surprisingly simple to master these looks. In some cases this may actually be your neutral facial expression! So simple! They are highly successful in discouraging an erection.
I hope these tips help you to avoid those those flag pole moments. I can’t imagine the horror in having to deal with this situation – if you have experienced it, please comment & if you have any tips to add please share them.
It looks like I’m getting itchy feet again after only being back in Switzerland for a month. I swear this condition is terminal.
I’m starting to see superyacht jobs being advertised for the upcoming season….. I’m being sucked in by Formula One job advertisements despite my distinct lack in any aerodynamic or basic mechanic skill. There are also massage therapist positions in beautiful exotic resorts.
I will do my usual apply-for-everything-&-hope-for-the-best routine. I can only imagine where I will end up! I can’t wait to find out if it is a positive step on my career ladder or a snake to the depths of the slimey, scaley snake pits of hell…..