Getting into my rhythm

“Normal life”, I’m doing it! I’m NAILING it! I work 5 days a week, I meet friends & go for coffees. I go to the cinema, go for brunch, go for lunch. I meet people for drinks. Frequently. I go to see plays, I go to the museum, I go for walks & explore. I am really finding my rhythm in Wellington.

It is so freeing to have allocated days off, a set start time & the opportunity to give shifts away for an extra day off.

I wonder why I busted my balls for so long working more than one job, doing 60+ hours a week, being on call with no reimbursement, not giving my personal time the priority it was crying out for.

I am basking in this newfound normality.

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Dear Diary, where are you???

Unknown-1I am an absolute diary enthusiast & dependee. I put all my info in there, it is my North star if I have any inclination to be in the right place at the correct time. I stick to my plans, prepare & I’m super organised. Anything, however trivial, goes into my diary & I do it all. It is my life guide & gives me the super power to do everything I manage to do.

Every Christmas I treat myself to a new diary & every New Years Day I take the time to transfer all my important numbers & dates into my new diary. I find it very refreshing, grounding & satisfying. My life is in order & I am in control.

My friends recognise the significance of my dairy. Any time plans are being made I whip my diary out & they know once I’ve written in pen there is no going back on our activity. I carry it everywhere. It is my wealth of knowledge & I would be lost without it.

2015. April 2015 no less & I am diary free! What the fuck!?

Maybe this is why I’m struggling to forward plan more than one week ahead??

I have a scrappy notebook which has all the hours I’ve worked this year, the 6 nations calendar & the Formula 1 calendar scrawled into it. This is the bones of my 2015 diary. I woe.

I am going to invest in a filofax. Are they worth the fuss? Will it bring centred control into my life again? Will my year suddenly come together when I have a diary in my life to focus my schedule?

FOMO – cured?? With regret.

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I used to suffer dreadfully from severe FOMO (Fear of missing out). I would be that person who was on every night out, mixing with various circles of friends to ensure I went out every single evening & above all DID NOT MISS OUT ON ANYTHING!!! My most common nights out were the Thursday warm up, aprés work on Friday, big night Saturday & wind down Sunday. I was always open to other nights, however these 4 were staples. At university I adopted student nights also which included Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday as particularly big nights. As a self appointed social butterfly I loved nothing more than a great night out with my friends, laughing, drinking, dancing & meeting people. This is what my life was about & what made me most happy.

When I did my first ski season I carried on as this creature of habit. I believe my FOMO became out of hand. I would go out every night for weeks. My poor liver! I don’t know how I ever coped. Not to mention the hangovers. I SUFFERED. I know in my heart though that I have never had so much fun, stories, excitement never mind the terrible hangovers & the dreaded fear.

Now I am apparently a changed person. Maybe it’s due to my daily routine of 12-20hour work days? Maybe I’m getting older & wearier? Maybe my liver has had some strong words with my brain & arranged a bit of rewiring. Who knows??

Either way I have only been out once a month for the past 5 months. I grow tireder at the mere thought of going out. I get displeased at the thought of getting ready, what to wear, the expense, the trek home, the fear, the extra tiredness the next day. I can’t do it any more. I am a bore & suffer more from sleep-FOMO. I have become the person I never thought I would or could!

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I have noticed that I am complaining a lot about being tired, having no time & the immense amount of hours I’m working. I noticed I’m not laughing my leg off at all the hilarious things my friends or I have done while under the influence. I don’t know everyone in the bar & it makes me feel uneasy. This is not the person I have been shaping since my late teens, the sociable drinker I have moulded from clay & booze.

I need my FOMO back & the craic back in my life. FOMO, if you’re there, I miss you. Dearly.

I am missing out the fear of missing out MOFOMO.

When casual conversations turn into panic inducing inquisitions

Yep, just a casual conversation with my friend. He seems to have his post ski season year sorted & is happy about that. Almost smug. Boastful some might say. Less kind people would say he’s being a bit twattish about it, frankly. When he asks me about mine I brightly tell him about my plans to go to New Zealand in September. I have this roughly figured out since October & I am delighted to have direction & focus on the horizon. Go me! *pats self on back*

His face. He looked at me as though I were crazy!

“That’s in 6 months. What are you going to do next?? After this!?”

Is he being dramatic & Italian or should I have my shit sorted out by now. Ok, both. More importantly, I should have my shit sorted out. Queue the panic, searching, applications, waiting & desperation to take the first low paid, little respect position that crawls its sorry ass my way. In fairness, my friend has just recently organised his next few months & shouldn’t be so harsh on me – but then again, my contract in Switzerland finishes in 4 weeks. *Is a little bit sick in my mouth* I need a kick up the arse. What the deck am I going to do?!

Still, I never know whats around the corner. That dream job in Formula 1 could be my next calling – It’s not, but imagine if that was my next job! Shhhhhhh, let me bask in it for a moment…..

Daydreams OVER. Back to the real world with a thump.

Now to take the unemployment bull by the career empowering horns. Can I turn this around? What will it take to get a suitable, challenging job that I’m fully competent in, enjoy & get well paid for? Not even well paid, just a decent wage appropriate to my skills & time. Plus in a country I adore or I haven’t been to yet. Am I asking for too much? Can I make this happen??

I guess I’m just going to try my best & make it work, somehow. Inspiration is welcome as always!

Here’s to taking corners, not knowing whats around them & the security that there are always opportunities hiding & waiting. In case you were wondering, yes, I do drink when I blog & make a cheers to all my readers at the end 😉

Back to the homeland

There is nothing like flying into my country. Even in darkness I can feel the familiarity & homeliness. In daylight there is nothing like the views going into Belfast city or the peace of flying into Dublin. I can’t think of any descents I prefer. Just as well as I do them quite regularly…… I have booked a one way flight to Switzerland to visit my friends for Christmas & New Year & hopefully pick up some work!

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I am also looking for my next working adventure. All suggestions are most welcome – if you can think of anything fun I can do work wise & abroad I would really appreciate it! I think it’s time for something new!

The Interlude

How lovely it is to be home. I profoundly appreciate the time I have to spend with family & friends. I’m laughing till my stomach hurts, which I haven’t done in such a long time. Which is an absolute shame because it’s one of my favourite things to do.

It is an utter luxury to have my own room & to be able to get into bed without concussing myself incarcerated by the suffocating low ceilings.

Sweet, glorious freedom.

I can’t get enough of it.

Walking to visit a friend with a bottle of wine or even going to the cinema is such a treat to my senses. Cooking! Driving! Grocery shopping! Speaking the same language as the people surrounding me!  Striking conversation effortlessly with strangers! Oh the simple pleasures. I am on my knees begging to be engulfed with the unassuming, normal reality of life.

I do not miss the daily, relentless, soul purging cleaning & chores. On reflection I don’t know how I put up with the mindless tedious schedule. I relish the power of not feeling owned. A call from a crew recruitment agency about an upcoming position quickly affirms that it’s too soon to even contemplate going back to yachting. I am not going to relinquish this new found free rein. I badly need a break – It’s a prerequisite to my sanity and transitory bliss.

Now to catch up on a years worth of gossip with my friends, laughs, family time, appointments with my dentist, doctor, health clinic, hairdresser, vet (for my dog, not me), backdated babysitting duties….. A massive clear out of all my unsuspecting accumulated belongings is an inevitable long overdue task. Here’s to my break from work & putting some graft into organising myself and catching up on my Irish life.

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