Current mood

There’s something about taking the bus on a Monday morning in agony with period pain to into town to go to my nearest bank & seeing that it is closed that pisses me off.
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I don’t just mean pisses me off in a vague way.

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I mean kick me in the crotch, grinding my soul & destroying my spirit kinda angry.

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I have 3 more days here Switzerland. I have a feeling this is the beginning of a manifesto of all that I abhor coming to head.

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I expected more

It has been about 3 months since I embarked on my better eating habits. I cut coffee out of my life, no easy feat for me, & I reduced my sugar intake. I don’t eat cereal which was my favourite handy snack food, I don’t drink fizzy drinks, I don’t use sugar in cooking or use any sauces.

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Three months later I can confirm that this has apparently made no impact on my life. It has been a waste of time & will power. All I want to do is go & buy a big bar of chocolate, sugary gummy sweets & a Starbucks.

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Were my expectations to high? Do other people feel better after making these changes?? Where is this zen like inner peace I expected?

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3 weeks of clean living

As part of my ever present, although sometimes flagging, objective to be fit & healthy I am making my last 3 weeks in Switzerland count. Today I have went for a 5K run, followed by yoga with Adriene then I had avocado for breakfast.

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Avocado is my happy place & when I have avocado on toasted crusty bread for breakfast I feel like I’m winning at life. Today I opted for the slightly less bad, however possibly the same molecular structure as cardboard, Ryvita.

Since I fully & wholeheartedly embraced cutting sugar from my life I have fell rather spectacularly off the wagon. I have still kept away from the white granular stuff, but that isn’t commendable when I recall:

  • the tubs of Ben & Jerry’s I’ve consumed in the past month…..
  • my nod at dark chocolate as being ok followed by many several bars of dark chocolate.
  • 2 bars of chocolate sent over from home – devoured without a pause for thought.
  • Ice lollies to fight heat stroke.
  • 2 bottles of fizzy drink – the cravings got me.

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I’ve been feeling particularly rubbish with a permanent headache for almost 2 weeks. I’m not sure if it’s related to cutting out sugar and coffee or its to do with a job offer that has thrown me into a world of despair at what to do. I think that’s why I’ve been particularly weak at resisting sugar & reaching for anything that will make me feel better.

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I am optimistic that this time I go off sugar I will maintain it. I have done cutting all sugar out of my diet, rebounding to bingeing on sugar & now I’m going to balance it & have a little bit of sugar in my diet. Maybe a cheat day – Diet sorted!

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Running can be an effort for me. Sometimes I really enjoy it & other times I hate the thought of it, frown putting my kit on, sigh when I break into a jog at the start of my run, count down the time/km until I’ve finished. You get the idea. I get bored looking at the same scenery on my run. If it’s too sunny & humid I struggle. Really struggle.

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I think how it isn’t making much of an impact on my body, it is a waste of time & I think of the other productive things I could be doing instead. In hindsight, it could be having a negative impact on my mental happiness!

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I not completely terrible, I am ok at running. I played wing for my university rugby team. I am even better at running when I’m being chased! I’m not about to pay someone to chase me every day – although that is not a bad business venture for the future. Despite my shitty attitude I want to make the commitment to at least 5K 5 days a week. If I do better, GREAT, if not I hope to improve my time & mood & maybe even build a bit of positive association!

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I am currently doing 30 days of yoga with Adriene. I am really enjoying it. She is a delight to watch & calming, fun & lighthearted.

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I’m not very strict. Sometimes I miss a day due to work & I have been known to stop early & corpse out (the corpse is my all time favourite pose).  This is the link to her youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/yogawithadriene

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If you have any tips for me on diet or fitness please comment below & let me know what has worked for you. Please help me embrace running! Or introduce my to your favourite fitness channels on youtube. Thank you!

Sugar free me!

I have been reading up about sugar, food processing, chemicals included in processed food & the harsh reality that we have no idea what we are consuming. It has been a rude awakening for me as I have always trusted food labels claiming their contents are ‘good’ for me. I feel like this industry has been fooling people for years & I hope they face retribution once we are honestly educated on the matter.

My favourite book has been Swallow this: Serving up the food industry’s darkest secrets by Joanna Blythman http://www.amazon.co.uk/Swallow-This-Serving-Industrys-Darkest/dp/0007548338/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1438550270&sr=8-1&keywords=swallow+this

It is an informative & interesting read with a manageable amount of science in it. My facial expression whilst reading it was one of discomfort & unease. The thought of eating processed foods now makes me want to wretch. I am embracing this as a turning point.

I also read Sweet Poison by David Gillespie http://www.amazon.co.uk/Sweet-Poison-David-Gillespie/dp/0718179072/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1438551407&sr=8-1&keywords=the+sweet+poison This made me realise fructose is my main nemesis. Sugar is off my Christmas card list, but fructose I intend to avoid like the plague.

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I am so frustrated with government & big food manufacturers lying to the public & endangering our lives, health & happiness to line their pockets. Do they eat their own produce after knowing the detrimental health affects & the chemical processes the ‘fresh’, ‘added vitamins’, ‘natural’ produce has endured to deplete it of all nutritional value. Disgusting. I hate being hoodwinked.
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For years I have been on & off dieting. It’s difficult when the food recommended to dieters with the best intention to become healthier is, of course, highly processed & chemically altered. Take the Glycaemic Index for example. Food with added sweeteners are lower GI & deemed good for you. Bullshit! This is what has made me, at times, a miserable yo-yo dieter. Forever buying seemingly ‘healthy’ products from these people while costing me my health, happiness, money & sanity at the confusion why they weren’t working. These companies have a lot to answer for.

We were concerned about chemical warfare in the future. Look to your plate. You have been consuming it your entire life.

Let me know if you want me to write a blog on how I’m eliminating sugar from my life, the results & the facts I’ve learnt.

My ear just popped & it was better than an orgasm

My sinuses are driving me crazy. Since I took 2 flights last Monday I have been suffering flu like symptoms: heavy face, stuffed ears, runny nose, sore throat, muscle aches & 100% resting bitch face.

I’ve also got my period for the first time in 6 months. My periods are hit & miss on being regular, my body goes through phases thanks to the contraception I use (currently Implanon, the contraceptive implant). I am happy when my period doesn’t come because I don’t have to go through the incredible back pain that comes with them, which rendered me helpless 4 days a month for most of my teens.

I was thinking about my last period in December & recalled that I also had the cold at the time. Coincidence??? A quick bit of research showed that this happens to a lot of people. Like clockwork, when they get their period they automatically get cold like symptoms. EVERY MONTH. It’s a thing!

The mere fact of the cruel existence of this condition upsets me greatly. My boobs are sore, I’m bloaty, irrational, in pain & discomfort & now you want my other orifaces to seep. Oh the agony & intensity. Sleep – my great pleasure has been whisked from me. It is now a time dedicated to coughing, blowing my nose & moving to various positions to stem the nose flow. I am so angered that my nose blows are violent & aggressive. My skin is sore & red & my eyes bulge at the unnecessary pressure & force from behind them.
 After 17 days of my period (yes, I am a trooper) & 16 days of period induced flu like symptoms I can cautiously & reverently say I think it’s over. I won’t crack open the champagne just yet but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. After this episode I hope to stay within the light for at least another 6 months! My light was what I like to refer to as my aural orgasm… & boy was it incredible!
I popped my ear in the bathroom. I wasn’t even aware it required popping. I think it’s been like that for 2 days & had become my auricular norm. By God it was fucking fantastic! I can hear!!!!! Life is on the up! There is hope! Only you are your saviour! Pop your hypothetical ears. Save yourself! See the hope & light!

Spring clean… for my colon

It’s that time of the year when people clear out their homes & do a thorough clean for the summer. As a nomad I have no home to spring clean. I don’t have enough belongings on me to do a big clear out. I still want that cleansed, revived feeling.

Feeling like a snail carrying their home around me, I thought I could spring clean me! Or more specifically – my colon. I went for a colonic during my trip at home. I’m getting older & there are so many things I’m half interested in & never persued,  a colonic being one of them. I expect it to be uncomfortable but I also expect a feeling a starting anew. Maybe they will find a crayon I ate when I was 3 & couldn’t digest? Maybe a piece of lego which has been lodged in there for decades, hindering my digestive process? I hope to feel like a new woman, cleansed & ready to face the world!

During the hydrotherapy I felt quite uncomfortable & bloated. The water just made my stomach feel so full & achey. I didn’t release anything into the tube which was slightly disappointing I guess.  My nurse was so lovely & made me feel at ease. I couldn’t have had a better person. I asked the therapist to stop 5 mins early so I could go to the bathroom. I felt like I needed the bathroom & I wasn’t wrong. It was so weird because there was a lot of water as well from the treatment. I felt much better after that! 95% of that bloaty full feeling left me. I finished my treatment then as there were only 5 mins left & I didn’t fancy feeling uncomfortable & bloated again.

I stayed in the bathroom for a good 10 mins to make sure there was nothing left in me. I had a busy afternoon of shopping & meeting friends & I was afraid of an accident – although I was assured that this is highly unlikely. I was advised to eat well for the next few days or I will undo all the good work. I had an array of boozy meals planned with my friends I haven’t seen in a long time so I opted out of the clean eating.

I wouldn’t rush back to get another however I don’t regret my decision to have one. I wouldn’t rule out getting another in the future. I’m sure I will feel better as a result.

FOMO – cured?? With regret.

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I used to suffer dreadfully from severe FOMO (Fear of missing out). I would be that person who was on every night out, mixing with various circles of friends to ensure I went out every single evening & above all DID NOT MISS OUT ON ANYTHING!!! My most common nights out were the Thursday warm up, aprés work on Friday, big night Saturday & wind down Sunday. I was always open to other nights, however these 4 were staples. At university I adopted student nights also which included Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday as particularly big nights. As a self appointed social butterfly I loved nothing more than a great night out with my friends, laughing, drinking, dancing & meeting people. This is what my life was about & what made me most happy.

When I did my first ski season I carried on as this creature of habit. I believe my FOMO became out of hand. I would go out every night for weeks. My poor liver! I don’t know how I ever coped. Not to mention the hangovers. I SUFFERED. I know in my heart though that I have never had so much fun, stories, excitement never mind the terrible hangovers & the dreaded fear.

Now I am apparently a changed person. Maybe it’s due to my daily routine of 12-20hour work days? Maybe I’m getting older & wearier? Maybe my liver has had some strong words with my brain & arranged a bit of rewiring. Who knows??

Either way I have only been out once a month for the past 5 months. I grow tireder at the mere thought of going out. I get displeased at the thought of getting ready, what to wear, the expense, the trek home, the fear, the extra tiredness the next day. I can’t do it any more. I am a bore & suffer more from sleep-FOMO. I have become the person I never thought I would or could!

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I have noticed that I am complaining a lot about being tired, having no time & the immense amount of hours I’m working. I noticed I’m not laughing my leg off at all the hilarious things my friends or I have done while under the influence. I don’t know everyone in the bar & it makes me feel uneasy. This is not the person I have been shaping since my late teens, the sociable drinker I have moulded from clay & booze.

I need my FOMO back & the craic back in my life. FOMO, if you’re there, I miss you. Dearly.

I am missing out the fear of missing out MOFOMO.

I made time *sad face*

In my last post I complained that my running resolution for March would be hindered because I had no time. All this week my schedule was jam packed with work, doing between 13-17 hour days daily. It looks like the universe accepted my wish to have more free time & lo & behold – Look! I even have time to blog.

The universe took my shitty comment that I didn’t have time because I had so much work on. The universe struck me down with a fucking misery inducing, vomiting & diarrhoea bug granting me physically incapable of work. Incapable of walking, eating, sipping water, calling for help, maintaining a regular comfortable body temperature or taking medication. Oh to be healthy at work again & to have no time would be bliss!

I was in a dark place during the last 2 days but now my body seems to have settled & I may even contemplate solid food beyond ice cubes! I was so sick the thought of food made me wretch – now this is not the self proclaimed ‘foodie’ we know & love. Needless to say that my skin care went downhill when my poor face got splashed with puke, drenched in sweat & treated to ‘vomit steams’ over the toilet bowl. Yuk.

I am losing out on so much money from not working this busy week. It shouldn’t be on my mind but my never-turn-down-work policy is being compromised. Not only can I not earn, I am also unable to run or snowboard – which is exactly what I wished to do with any free time. *mad face* The universe has not helped me in any way whatsoever. At least I am not spending money on food or booze because I can’t physically eat or drink anything apart from ice cubes. The only good thing is that I can class this as a detox period which will hopefully result in a dramatic weight loss. If only! Although even then it wouldn’t be worth the dark place I was in.

I seem to be on the road to recovery thankfully. I wish everyone good health. I’ve said it a lot over the past month – you don’t value your health until something goes wrong. As minor as my bug was compared to other peoples’ problems, I still felt terrible & will not take my health for granted anymore.

You will appreciate that I am not sharing any pictures of my sickness with you 🙂